


no hope (no fear)

by troubledsouls



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Brainwashing, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-10-04 06:02:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10269875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubledsouls/pseuds/troubledsouls
Summary: josh gently takes one of tyler’s hands. tattooed harshly on his palm is the number ‘15’.josh shudders.what happened to his best friend?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marsakat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsakat/gifts).



when they find tyler, josh is sure his best friend is dead. 

glazed eyes stare upwards, tattered clothes cradle his body, blood drips from between his thighs. 

“he needs to go to the hospital.” jordan checks tyler’s pulse. josh isn't sure how their bodyguard sounds so calm. “hes alive.”

josh kneels beside his best friend, watching as his chest barely rises and falls. 

jordan calls 911 as josh studies the new black words that wind their way across tyler's skin. they're tattooed onto him with the blackest ink. 

josh nearly panics as tyler stops breathing. “no, no…” his fingers shake at tyler's neck and he checks and rechecks. 

tyler doesn't have a pulse. 

jordan notices josh's panic and he puts the phone onto speaker. he shakes tyler first, then pulls away the few remaining tatters of tyler's shirt and starts compressions. 

josh clings to tyler's stiff hand as jordan works, tilting tyler's head back to breathe into him. 

“he has to survive.” josh whispers. 

jordan doesn't respond, just counts 30 compressions and gives tyler breath again and again. 

josh talks to the 911 operator, giving her their location, telling her jordan’s giving cpr. josh is too upset to give more info, stuttering at the more complicated questions. 

“switch off.” jordan instructs, and josh puts his hands on tyler's chest and pushes. 

the repetition is enough to keep josh calm, keep him from fully freaking out. he gives tyler breaths again, watches as his chest rises and falls. 

compressions again. it's the only thing keeping josh from having a panic attack

“people are coming.” jordan says. “he’ll survive.”

josh keeps telling himself that, because if he thinks tyler will die then maybe his friend will never come back. 

they hear sirens, footsteps, voices, and then someone is pushing josh away and taking tyler from him. 

josh panics trying to cling to tyler, but jordan pries him off. “they're taking him to the hospital. it's okay.”

“he has to live.” josh whispers, staring after tyler. 

“he will.” jordan promises. “come on, we have to follow them to the hospital.”

jordan helps josh to his feet and guides him into their car. josh stares down the alley that tyler had been dumped like a broken toy that a child had gotten bored with. 

they drive away, josh curled up in the passenger seat with his eyes on the road ahead. 

“he’s gonna make it, josh. if tyler's anything, he's a fighter.” jordan says. 

josh isn't so sure of those words because of the way jordan's hands are white knuckled on the steering wheel. and if jordan's afraid, everyone else has good reason to be. 

“he had words on him.” josh shudders. “tattoos. so many.”

“i know.” jordan says. his voice is soft. 

josh thinks about the word ‘desperation’ tattooed all over tyler's neck, ‘degradation’ across his face. he feels nausea rising in his throat. 

they reach the hospital parking lot and josh bolts out of the car, barely caring that he nearly gets hit by a car. jordan sprints after him, grabbing josh’s arm and stopping him from running out in front of a truck. 

“calm. tyler’s okay.” jordan promises. “he’ll be there. don't get yourself killed in your worry.”

“i need to be with him if he dies.” josh pleads. 

“hes not going to die.”

josh takes a few deep breaths. “promise?”

“promise. don't let your anxiety get to you.”

josh nods. “he will be fine.”

“good.”

they cross the parking lot slowly, josh holding jordan’s hand in a death grip. 

jordan talks to the receptionist as josh stares at the floor. they’re told to wait, and jordan leads josh into a chair. 

josh shakes his leg and stares at the wall, unable to do anything but let himself fill with anxiety. 

they wait.


	2. Chapter 2

finally, finally, they’re allowed to see tyler. 

josh shakes as he and jordan are lead into the icu. it’s terrifying to think that tyler’s here. tyler doesn't belong here. tyler doesn't belong in a hospital. tyler hates hospitals with every fiber of his being. 

and yet there he is, lying in a hospital bed, ivs in his arms and a machine breathing for him. josh shakes as he sees the tattoos all over tyler's arms, words and words and words that josh knows tyler would loathe having on his skin. 

there's a nurse beside him. she looks up at josh quickly, smiling. “hey.”

“he's gonna make it?” jordan guides josh to sit in a chair by tyler's bedside. josh is scared to touch him. 

“yes, he’ll live.” the nurse says. “he’s in a coma, but he’ll survive.”

josh gently takes one of tyler’s hands. tattooed harshly on his palm is the number ‘15’. 

josh shudders. 

what happened to his best friend?

“do you know when he’ll wake up?” jordan asks. 

“no.” the nurse says. 

josh tangles his fingers with tyler’s immobile ones. “but he will wake up.”

“i think so.”

the response is reassuring enough for josh. 

josh holds onto tylers hand tightly, staring at his arm. a slow, sick realization hits him. 

“they removed his tattoos.” josh whispers. he feels nauseous again, and this time he’s sure he’ll throw up. 

“oh god.” jordan mumbles. 

josh gets up and leaves, finding a bathroom and locking himself into a stall. he throws up into the toilet, gagging as what little was in his stomach leaves his body. 

tyler’s tattoos were important, they kept him going, and now they were replaced with distorted words that only told of suffering. 

‘intoxication’ at his elbows and wrists, places where needles could easily slide in. 

josh shudders and gags again. 

he wipes his mouth and flushes the toilet. he feels awful and disgusting for getting sick at the sight of his best friend, but he can't help it. 

the thought of them taking away who tyler was makes him feel awful. 

he slips out of the stall and washes his hands and mouth. he pulls out his pack of gum and pops a stick in his mouth, chewing anxiously. 

he's too scared to return to tyler. he's an awful friend for being scared, but he doesn't want to see the awful words tattooed all over tyler's body. 

he’s terrified of what happened to his best friend. 

he stumbles out of the bathroom and out into the waiting room where jordan finds him several minutes later, curled up in a chair in the corner, staring at his phone.

“you saved his life.” jordan says as he sits next to josh.

josh doesn't respond, just staring at the game on his phone

“tyler will be fine.”

“he was gone for three years. i'm not worried about his body.” josh controls the snap in his voice.

“you're scared of what happened to his mind.” jordan infers. 

“it feels fucking cheesy.” 

jordan’s eyebrows shoot up at josh's vulgarity. josh hardly ever swears sober. 

“i had to go throw up because i couldn't take seeing him. what kind of friend am i.” josh switches off his phone, pulls his legs up to his chest, and buries his face in his knees. 

“tyler would probably have done the same thing. tyler probably wouldn't have been able to hold himself together enough to help save your life.”

“dont insult him while he's dying.” josh growls.

“i'm not insulting him.” jordan says quietly. “i’m saying that the way people function in situations is different. it's okay to be upset. i am too, i'm just not reacting as visibly strong because i've seen some graphic things.”

josh feels like crying. “i wish it was me who got taken. he doesn't deserve any of what happened to him.”

“you don't deserve it either.”

“i've been through less than tyler. i can handle it.”

jordan doesn't respond, just lets josh soak in his words. 

“it's been so long.” josh whispers after a while. “it's been three years, and i've thought about tyler every single day.”

“me too.” jordan says. 

“i saved him.”

“you did.”

josh thinks about that for a while longer. 

he sleeps in the waiting room, and dreams about walking through the field depicted in his tattoo.


	3. Chapter 3

tyler awakens after three days. 

josh isn’t there when it happens, instead he's sleeping in the waiting room. hes shaken awake quickly by jordan, and he groggily follows his friend to tyler's bedside. 

tyler's eyes are wide open and staring up at the ceiling. his irises are a pitch black instead of their usual beautiful brown. there's no difference between his pupil and his iris. 

“tyler?” josh asks quietly. 

“fifteen doesn't feel good.” tyler mumbles, unblinking. “fifteen wants to rest. fifteen doesn't want the pain, please. fifteen needs rest.”

josh is terrified by what tyler is saying. “tyler, please.”

tyler looks at josh, eyes still open and unseeing. “i am not tyler. i am number fifteen. please stop testing fifteen, it needs rest.”

“tyler, what the hell, don't say that!” josh feels fear filling up his lungs. “you’re tyler, you're not a number, you're not an it!”

“don't yell.” jordan’s hand is soft on josh's arm. 

tyler blinks once before letting his eyes slide shut again. “fifteen is resting, test it later.”

josh can feel angry tears burning in his eyes and spilling over down his cheeks. he presses his fists to his eyes and lets himself shake, tiny sobs escaping him. 

tyler opens his eyes again, reaching out so his hand that has fingers tattooed with 'abomination’ rests on josh's forehead. “do not cry. it will be over. you will be healed. rest…” tyler pauses. “which one are you?”

“i’m josh.” josh mumbles into his hands. 

“names aren't allowed. we will be punished.”

“i don't care!!”

tyler’s quiet for a long moment as he removes his hand from josh’s head. “fifteen needs rest, please. fifteen doesn’t like this test. fifteen doesn’t understand the point of it. fifteen has proven itself.”

“i'm not testing you, dammit!!!” josh shouts, and he can feel jordan pulling him up and away from tyler, away from the rooms of beeping machines as josh sobs loudly, practically screaming in frustration as they make it back to the waiting room. 

he feels like tyler has died and been replaced with something else. it's not tyler in that body, it's probably just a lookalike, tyler's still missing and they have to find him, they have to keep looking and following tips all over the country-

“josh, he's not going to be fine right away.” jordan speaks in soft words. “you need to give him time.”

josh still cries, mind still spiraling out of control. 

“he’ll get his memories back.” jordan promises, pulling josh close so he can cry into jordan’s shoulder. “give him time.”

josh shudders in jordan’s arms, trying to take deep breaths, trying to stop crying. 

maybe it is tyler in that hospital bed, maybe it’s tyler beneath the number seared into his brain and tattooed onto his palm. 

but all of that is a maybe, all of that is josh's hope. he could be wrong, he's probably wrong, but he has hope. tyler always talked about hope. tyler always said hope was important. 

josh and jordan cling to each other, josh showing more of his fear and uncertainty. jordan hides his. they have to be there for each other. 

tyler lies alone in his hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling, mumbling under his breath.


	4. Chapter 4

tyler sits mutely in the back of jordan’s car, staring out the window and watching buildings and people fly by. 

josh sits next to him, watching him. tyler hasn't broken out of whatever happened to his brain, but josh doesn't expect him to be able to yet. he's only been awake for a few days. 

its gotten into his head that he's not being tested, though, so he stays quiet most of the time.

he turns to look at josh and blinks. josh feels his stomach twist a little when he sees the word ‘degradation’ across Tyler's cheekbones. 

“fifteen would like some water, please.” tyler's voice is soft. 

“we get to our house in a few minutes. i'll get you water then, if that's okay.” josh responds. 

tyler tilts his head and blinks again. “our?”

“yeah. we lived together, before you…”

“before…” tyler squirms a little, looking down at his lap. “before fifteen was taken?”

“yeah. before you were taken.” josh fidgets with the hem of his shirt. “you remember?”

“fifteen is not supposed to remember.” tyler shuts his eyes, forcing his face into a mask of calm. “fifteen is good, and doesn't remember things it’s not supposed to.”

“you're not… you're not wherever you were. you're with me, and you're with jordan, and you'll be with jenna soon.”

“jenna…” tyler opens his eyes. “i remember her.”

“what do you remember?”

“she is light.” tyler looks up at josh. there are tears welling up in his eyes. “and you are… you are josh. you drum.” tyler looks uncomfortable again for a split second. “fifteen sings.”

“yeah. you do.” josh speaks softly

“fifteen is not supposed to remember this.” tyler wipes at his eyes. “but… fifteen is not in the lab.” he looks up at josh with hopeful, fearful eyes. “is fifteen going back to the lab?”

“no, fifteen is not going back to the lab.” josh promises. calling tyler fifteen leaves a bad taste in his mouth. “you're coming with us to our house, where you'll be able to sleep and eat and drink whenever you want. you won't have to ask.”

tyler’s black eyes look confused. “no more lab? no more experiments?”

“no more of any of those. you're free.”

“fifteen is free?”

“fifteen is free.”

tyler looks confused and slightly distressed. “fifteen is confused. it wants water and rest.”

“it's okay. we’re almost there.” josh promises. 

tyler returns to looking out the window, rubbing his right forearm tattooed with the words ‘obfuscation’ and ‘affection’. 

tyler voices a question as they pull into the driveway of their house. “why didn't jenna come see fifteen in the hospital?”

“she didn't want have a memory of you dying.” josh says. 

“fifteen missed her light.” tyler mumbles. 

they get out of the car, tyler following josh and jordan to the front door on unsteady legs. he doesn't seem anxious, but there are tears dripping down his face as he gazes up at the house. 

“fifteen remembers.” he whispers, making no move to wipe away his tears. 

josh opens the door and helps tyler inside, watching as his best friend takes in the inside of their house. 

“josh?” jenna’s voice echoes slightly as she comes down the stairs. 

she stops when she sees tyler. tyler stares back, face scrunching up a little as though he's about to cry.

jenna rushes down the rest of the stairs and hugs him and then he does cry, quiet little sobs into jenna’s shoulder as they cling to each other. 

“jenna.” tyler gets out, hands balled up in the fabric of her shirt. 

“i'm here.” jenna promises. 

“fifteen missed you.” tyler mumbles. “fifteen didn't like forgetting you. you are light.”

“it's okay.” jenna says. “you have me now, you don't have to forget anymore.”

tyler lets go of her and steps back. “this is home. with you and josh.”

jenna nods. 

tyler looks down at his left hand, at how the word ‘abomination’ is strongest and darkest across his ring finger. “it was taken from fifteen.”

“that's okay.” jenna assures, reaching out a hand to wipe the tears off tyler's face. “we can get you a new one.”

tyler nods, eyes closing. 

“i'm gonna go.” jordan says. “someone has to tell the press that tyler's back before rumors go flying around. you guys reunite.”

tyler turns to look at jordan. “thank you.”

jordan smiles and gives a short nod before slipping out of the house. 

josh fidgets with the hem of his shirt. 

“lets go watch your favorite movie, fifteen.” jenna gently takes tyler's hand. “josh, you come too.”

“fifteen doesn't remember its favorite movie.” tyler mumbles, staring with wide eyes as jenna leads him into the living room. 

“that's okay. i do.” jenna sits tyler down on the couch, and then she and josh sit on either side of him. 

tyler watches the screen intently as jenna pulls up netflix, watches as she finds dumb and dumber and hits play. 

the movie starts, and tyler's giggling at absolutely everything within the first few minutes. it only takes him twenty minutes before he's settling into their old movie-watching position - head on jenna’s lap and legs strewn across josh’s.

if josh doesn't pay attention to what's written on tyler's body, it's like nothing’s changed at all.


	5. Chapter 5

after the movie ends, tyler blinks up at jenna. “fifteen wants water.”

“oh, i totally forgot about that, i'm sorry.” josh apologizes, watching as tyler's attention switches to him. 

tyler gets to his feet unsteadily, jenna standing up and helping tyler not fall over. “dizzy.” tyler vocalizes, blinking hard. 

“come on. lets get you water.” jenna leads tyler into the kitchen, josh following them closely behind. 

jenna gets a plastic cup down from one of the cabinets, filling it from the sink. tyler watches her, a confused expression on his face. she hands him the cup, and tyler wraps his hands around it. 

he stares at the water. “fifteen is not used to this.” he lifts the cup to his lips and takes a sip, accidentally tilting it too far and spilling some water over his shirt. 

tyler stares at his shirt, then up at josh and jenna. “oops.” 

josh smiles, and tyler tentatively smiles back before drinking the rest of the water without spilling it. 

he sets the cup down on the counter softly, flinching at the slight noise it makes. “what now?” 

“bedtime.” josh says, and tyler’s brow furrows

“what is…” tyler begins to ask, then realizes the answer. “oh. rest.”

jenna and josh take tyler’s hands and lead him up to their bedroom. 

tyler stares at the bed. “rest there?”

jenna nods, and tyler looks distressed. 

“what are you used to?” josh asks. 

“fifteen is used to metal.” tyler responds, and a shiver goes down josh's spine.

“do you want to sleep on the floor?” jenna asks. 

“fifteen doesn't want to be alone.” tyler whispers quickly. “fifteen wants to be with you two.”

“okay.” jenna smiles slightly, and it seems to put tyler a bit more at ease. 

jenna helps tyler into bed and under the covers before she slides in beside him. tyler lies flat on his back, arms at his sides, black eyes staring up at the ceiling. 

josh turns off the light, and tyler whimpers. 

“do you want it on?” josh asks gently. 

“no.” tyler mumbles. “fifteen is just afraid of the dark.”

josh slips into bed beside tyler. “you can relax.” 

“oh.” tyler whispers. he doesn't move. 

jenna wraps an arm around tyler's chest and pulls him close. “is this okay?”

tyler melts into jenna’s touch. “josh too?”

josh shifts forward and lays an arm across both tyler and jenna. “this okay?”

“fifteen misses touch.” tyler says simply, hands balling up in josh's shirt. 

jenna falls asleep first, her soft snore making tyler fidget from where hes squished between her and josh’s bodies. 

“whats up?” josh asks softly. 

“fifteen is used to silence.” tyler murmurs, eyes wide open. “fifteen is used to being put to sleep.”

“do you want a sleeping pill?” josh asks. tyler nods, so josh follows it up with “can you swallow it dry?”

“of course.” tyler whispers, so josh gets up and sneaks into the bathroom, pulling out his bottle of sleeping pills and tapping a couple into his palm. he slips back into the bedroom, watching as tyler's black eyes form pits in the darkness of the room. 

he hands tyler one of the pills, and tyler swallows it quick. josh somehow manages to swallow his dry, wincing at the feeling. 

he lays back down and wraps an arm around tyler. 

the two fall asleep together to the sound of jenna’s gentle breathing.


	6. Chapter 6

_he feels the last of the straps pin him down securely to the metal table. they dig into his skin, and ~~tyler~~ fifteen knows he’ll have lines on him later. _

_he feels an IV slip into his elbow, and he can feel the paralysis spread across his body. his eyes are open, staring up at the ceiling. there's only one, so ~~tyler~~ fifteen knows that he’ll be in pain. _

_masked faces stare down at him, doctors ready to do what they want with him. ~~tyler~~ fifteen doesn't know what's coming. he's not sure if he wants to know. _

_one of the doctors fits an oxygen mask over ~~tyler’s~~ fifteen’s mouth. _

_the first incision hurts, hurts, hurts, and if ~~tyler~~ fifteen wasn't immobile he’d be screaming and screaming. instead he has to sit through the pain, he has to survive. _

_~~tyler~~ fifteen tries to retreat into his mind, tries to grab onto what little memory he has left. so much of it has been washed away. ~~tyler~~ fifteen barely remembered who he had been. _

_he remembers jenna, his wife, one of the loves of his life. he remembers her eyes, her hair, he remembers her in fragments. its enough. she’s enough._

_josh is fuzzier, even though ~~tyler’s~~ fifteen’s known him for longer. maybe it's because more efforts have been made for ~~tyler~~ fifteen to forget him. ~~tyler~~ fifteen remembers blue hair, but wasn't it yellow before he left? or maybe red, or pink, or green. all he remembers of josh is color. _

_the excruciating pain makes it hard for ~~tyler~~ fifteen to keep his thoughts together. he just wishes josh and jenna were here. he wants them to save him. _

_~~tyler~~ fifteen feels hands on his organs, painpainpain, and he forces himself back into his tattered mind, trying to grab onto what little is left._

_he remembers faces, faces, faces not attached to people but all attached to him. him and josh. him and color._

_he would leave the faces and return to the arms of color and light, and he was safe with them, and he loved them, josh and jenna josh and jenna joshandjennajoshandjenna-_

_it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. he wants it to stop. he wants to scream, because maybe that would help, but he's drugged into stillness and out of his mind with forgetfulness and pain._

_color and light. he tries to hold onto his color and his light._

_his loves, his loves, he knows they will save him._

_he loves jenna, he loves josh, he loves them he loves he loVES-make it stop make it stop it hurts it hurts let him go keep what is meant to be in his body in his body it hurts it hurts please please please please-_

when josh wakes up, jenna’s already gone, probably up and making breakfast. 

tyler is twitching and whimpering in his sleep, hands white-knuckled in josh's shirt. josh debates on waking him, he's probably having a nightmare, but tyler needs rest. 

tyler makes a particularly distressed whine, and josh shakes him awake. 

black, scared eyes open and tyler stares up at josh, fear written all over his face. 

“hey.” josh murmurs, rubbing a hand up and down tyler's back. “i'm here. you're safe. it's okay.”

“saved me?” tyler whimpers. 

“yeah. saved you.” josh affirms. 

tyler buries his face into josh's shirt. his “thank you” is muffled by the fabric.


	7. Chapter 7

jenna puts a pancake on tyler’s plate. “i made your favorite. chocolate chip.”

he stares down at it, confused. 

his black eyes dart to josh, watching as his best friend cuts his own pancake with the side if his fork. 

tyler mimics josh's movements, stabbing his piece with his fork and putting it into his mouth. 

tyler chews thoughtfully, face scrunching up. 

“is something wrong?” jenna asks gently. 

tyler shakes his head and swallows. “fifteen is not used to this.”

“what are you used to?” josh asks.

“tubes.” tyler confesses, before cutting himself another bite. 

“you won't have those anymore.” josh promises. 

tyler nods and closes his eyes. “thank you.” he mumbles after swallowing. 

“how’d you sleep, fifteen?” jenna asks, sitting down at the table. 

“fifteen had a nightmare about the lab.” tyler stares down at his pancake. “but you two saved…” he squirms uncomfortably, face scrunching up. “it.” he settles on that pronoun after an internal debate. “which is good. fifteen doesn’t like the lab.” 

“did they hurt you?” josh knows he shouldn't push, but he's curious. 

“a lot.” tyler's left hand rests on his stomach. “but they didn't kill fifteen. they set fifteen free.”

“why?”

“eight got attached.” tyler’s hand snakes up under his shirt. “it was a compromise.”

josh wants to keep asking questions, but he stops himself. 

tyler eats the rest of his pancake in silence, fingers tracing something on his stomach. 

he doesn't reach for another one, instead stares at his lap.

“is something wrong?” jenna asks softly. 

“hurts.” tyler says. he seems lost inside his own head. 

josh gets up and picks tyler up, earning a soft squeak from his best friend. “come on. i think you need to rest more in a comfy bed.”

josh carries tyler’s skinny body back up to their bedroom. “do you want more comfortable clothes?”

tyler nods as josh sets him down. “undress?”

“do you want me to leave?”

“no.” tyler takes off his pants and boxers first, revealing slim legs covered in more and more words. one stands out to josh, thick and dark where the tattoo of his name used to be. 

‘abjection’.

tyler tangles his fingers in the hem of his shirt before ripping it off quickly, arms falling to his sides as if presenting his body for inspection. 

there's no tattoos on his stomach, instead there's layers of white scars from countless incisions. 

josh doesn't stare, instead reaches into a drawer and hands tyler a pair of soft pajamas. 

tyler dresses quickly, seemingly ashamed of his body. he pulls the long sleeves of the shirt over his hands. 

“there are people who miss fifteen.” tyler says quietly. “fifteen wants to talk to them.”

“are you sure?”

tyler nods, a hand reaching up and brushing the words tattooed on his face. “with jenna?”

“of course.”


	8. Chapter 8

they’re sitting on the bed, tyler settled between jenna’s legs with his back against her chest and her arms around him.

josh opens up instagram and taps into the live feature. “you sure?”

tyler gently touches the tattoos on his face. “i’m sure.”

josh switches on the livestream, angling the camera away from tyler and jenna. “hey.”

the chat was quickly flooded with questions, mostly about tyler.

“tyler’s safe, he’s with me and jenna.” josh smiles, gently turning the camera so that their audience can see tyler.

tyler’s eyes are wide, body language suggesting that he wants to collapse and hide in jenna.

more questions from their fans, most asking about the two ‘degradation’’s dark across tyler’s cheekbones.

“i don’t know about those yet, that’s tyler’s story to tell.” josh says.

tyler reaches out towards the screen with his right hand, ‘revulsion’ tattooed on his fingers, ‘pacification’ tattooed across the back of his hand, the number ‘15’ harsh on his palm. his black eyes leave dark holes in the screen. “where are the words coming from?”

“other people who are watching. i’m sharing what’s on the screen with them.” josh speaks as though to a child, but tyler is not insulted.

one message scrolling across the screen catches tyler’s eye.

‘where are his old tattoos?????’

his eyes grow wide, his body shakes, his limbs curl into himself.

_tyler shudders as gloved hands trace his tattoos._

_he's naked, strapped to a metal table, arms lifted up so fingers can trace all the way around his banded tattoos._

_“you're not going to tell me what these mean?” the man’s voice is soft._

_“fuck off.” tyler spits, trying to yank his arms away from the touch._

_the man tsks, stepping back to grab something on a table._

_something presses to his skin. tyler's brown eyes snap to what the man is holding, to the small light within it._

_“no, no, please, don't take them away, please please please!” tyler starts to beg and cry._

_“they won't disappear right away. it takes a few sessions.” the man traces the light over the bands around tyler's wrist._

_tyler can only sob, eyes squeezing shut._

_begging won’t do any good._

_“that’s it.” the man shushes. “just stay quiet. they’ll be gone before you know it.”_

“fifteen.” jenna says, palms rubbing circles on tyler’s biceps. “don’t leave, stay right here.”

tyler begins to hyperventilate.

josh shuts off the livestream quickly, setting his phone aside. “what do you need?”

“wrist.” tyler’s words shake. “the circles, they were stolen.” 

jenna holds him tight against her chest. “i think the stream was a little too soon. i think you need to wait a little before having more contact with the outside world, okay fifteen?”

the use of the number seems to calm tyler down.

josh slips into the bathroom and returns with a water bottle. he knows tyler always needs to drink after panic attacks.

“you’re going to drink water now, okay fifteen?” jenna takes the bottle from josh, gently unscrewing the lid.

tyler nods, brainwashed mind malleable under her commands. he drinks slow sips, jenna tilting the bottle.

“good boy.” jenna says. “let’s go down and watch some more movies, okay?”

tyler nods again, bony fingers clutching at josh’s hands.

his light and his color will always be there.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we are back folks

tyler falls asleep in jenna's lap halfway through the movie brother bear. 

“how are you?” jenna’s voice is soft, quiet. 

“i don't know. scared, i think.” josh responds even quieter. “worried about him.”

“he’ll be okay. he’s safe with us.” jenna is assuring, but it doesn't help josh's racing mind. 

“what if he never goes back to who he was?”

jenna takes a while to answer. “he will. it'll take some time. right now, we just need to keep him safe.”

tyler shifts and whines in his sleep, hands reaching out to grab at the air. jenna holds out her arm, and tyler's hands white knuckle around her forearm. 

“he's been through a lot.” josh reaches out and touches tyler's hair. it's still soft and short, still growing out from being so closely shaven only a week before. “he's doing very well.”

“he's doing a lot better than i'd expect him to, at this point.” jenna smiles softly at her husband. “he just needs time.”

“i'll try.” josh pulls his hand back to rest it on tyler's side. “i just miss him.”

“so do i.” 

the movie plays in the background without any attention on it. 

josh thinks about tyler, about his half-eaten lunch sitting on the table in front of them, about how skinny and tired he is. tyler isn't tyler. it's like he's from another planet.

tyler whimpers again, mouth open and panting. jenna winces at how hard he's squeezing her arm. 

“hey, ty…” jenna strokes a hand across his cheek. “what's up?” she knows tyler can't hear her, but she hopes her voice reaches some part of his subconscious. “whatever it is, you're going to be okay.”

tyler’s nails make pretty half-moons into jenna's arms. one breaks her skin, and blood wells up.

“i'm gonna wake him up.” josh says. 

jenna nods her approval.

josh shakes tyler by his shoulder. “hey, fren. no more nightmares. get up.”

“be gentle.” jenna warns. 

tyler whimpers, teeth gritted. 

“come on, tyler. up.” josh shakes him again. 

tyler opens his eyes. his expression shows fear and pain as he leaves the dream-memory. “jenna?”

“right here.” jenna promises.

“fifteen doesn't like the nightmares. fifteen isn't used to them.” tyler's voice is small and worried. 

“that's okay. they'll go away, i promise.” jenna bends down to kiss tyler's temple. his hands relax on her arm. 

josh knows jenna is lying.


	10. Chapter 10

it takes few weeks for tyler to readjust. 

he sleeps a lot, but sleep brings the nightmares, so he only gets a few hours at a time. his body gets better at accepting food. he doesn't flinch anymore when josh slips and calls him ‘tyler’. 

‘fifteen’ and ‘it’ are still the ways he refers to himself. 

jenna calls him fifteen, but josh hates doing that. tyler is a person, not a number. 

tyler is just recovering, josh tells himself. he’ll be okay eventually. 

eventually is so far. 

_”fifteen?”_

_fifteen looks up from where it’s sitting on the floor._

_“hey.” eight is lying in its bunk. “you doing okay?”_

_“fifteen is tired.” fifteen thinks for another moment. “one of its tattoos is infected.”_

_“where?” eight slips out of its bunk. its bare feet walk softly across the metal floor. “let me see.” it sits in front of fifteen, concern on its face._

_“here.” fifteen gestures to one of the ‘aversions’ on its left arm. the skin is inflamed around the letters. “not normal.”_

_eight touches fifteen’s forehead. “you have a fever.”_

_“infected.” fifteen states._

_eight takes fifteen’s left hand in its own, looking towards the door. “do they know?”_

_fifteen nods._

_“will they fix it?”_

_the door opens. “eight. what are you doing?”_

_“fifteen was hurting.” eight quickly lets go of fifteen’s hand._

_“let it hurt. get back into your bunk.”_

_eight scrambles to its feet and races to its bunk._

_fifteen misses eight’s touch already._

_eight curls up in its bunk, and the metal panel slides shut to seal it inside._

tyler’s going to get better. 

tyler has to get better.

**Author's Note:**

> send prompts to my tumblr @ [rainbowhairjosh](https://rainbowhairjosh.tumblr.com%22)
> 
> you can send prompts set in this universe or anything else really send whatever you want


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